Far North Calamari

I am not a fan of calamari.

One summer, I worked out of a remote tent camp shared with a diamond drill crew. Diamond drillers are experts trained in the art and science of using specialized drilling equipment to drill and remove a continuous core of rock from the Earth.

Diamond drilling can be wet and dirty. The drill crew we shared the camp with had rigged up a bush shower using an high pressure water pump. The water source was a shallow, scuzzy, beaver pond that was infested with leeches and horsehair parasitic worms. I am not a fan of either - so much so that I refused to swim in that lake! The largest leech I have ever seen was in that lake. It was at least 25 cm long - as long as a canoe paddle is wide! But I digress.

When the drillers were not using the shower after their shift, we geologists were given the privilege to shower. The cook tent also was blessed with running cold water, provided by the water pump. There were pressure limiters attached to the water pipes that fed the shower and the sink. Without the limiters, the water pressure would strip the bark off a tree! Getting clean in a shower is one thing. Stepping out of the shower without any remaining skin was quite another.

Over the course of a few days, the water pressure steadily dropped until one morning there was no water coming out of the kitchen tap. Check the pump - all good. Check for a break in the water line - all good. The last resort was to check the faucet aerator. It unscrewed easily, but then a surprise. Imagine a mincemeat slushy gone mad. A semi-solid mush of red and olive brown mush exploded out of the faucet, hit the bottom of the stainless steel sink, and ballistically dispersed itself over the inside of the cook tent and the shocked bystanders. Yes, there were bystanders. Camp life was not always exciting and checking a blocked faucet was the top entertainment that day.

When we recovered our senses, we assessed the damage. The mincemeat cocktail consisted of mutilated leeches. Some of the leech pieces looked like macerated calamari. Some of those leech calamari pieces were actually still moving! The leeches had been sucked into the pump, where they were masticated by the pump’s impeller.

We geologists mustered our intestinal fortitude and volunteered to clean up the mess, as an investment of good will that we assumed would be compensated by excellent meals created by the drillers' bush cook.

My resolve not to swim in the lake was reinforced. I did not request breaded calamari. But I did enjoy cold showers and the cook enjoyed running water in his kitchen tent.

To this day, I am still not a fan of calamari, even if breaded in disguise.

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Original posted on Facebook Dec. 3, 2021.